The Visitors
by Danja
Summary: One-shot. Two burglars make the mistake of trying to rob the Nelson home. R & R.


**The Visitors**

* * *

"There's the house," said Frank to his partner Moe as they sat in their car (which was parked just across the street from the Nelson house). "1818 Palm Drive ... the Nelson house."

"What's so special about the house?" Moe asked. He was short, pasty-faced with a broken nose, and in his early fifties.

"Does the name 'Major Anthony Nelson' ring any bells?" Frank asked. He was tall, thin, and in his mid-fifties.

This night, both men were wearing black watch caps, black sweaters, black pants, and black boots.

"The astronaut?" Moe exclaimed. "HE ... lives _HERE?_ "

Frank nodded. He then added, "Guy's a celebrity ... he's _GOTTA_ be rakin' in the cash."

"Isn't he married?" Moe asked.

"We meet his wife, we'll take care of her," Frank replied confidently. "What can SHE possibly do to _US?_ "

* * *

Using a screwdriver, Frank jimmied the lock on the sliding glass door that overlooked the patio. He then opened the door and said, "We're in."

Frank and Moe went inside, both men carrying pillowcases (all the better to carry away stolen loot).

Moe noticed Jeannie's bottle sitting on a counter. Moe called out in a stage whisper, "Hey, Frank ..."

"What?" Frank grunted in reply.

"This is a nice bottle," said Moe as he pointed towards Jeannie's bottle. "Think we can get anything for it?"

"Leave it," Frank growled. "Let's get the stuff and get outta here."

Moe and Frank made their way through the living room, grabbing whatever they could get their hands on. Frank grabbed a pair of silver candlesticks that were sitting on a side table and stuffed them into his pillowcase.

From out of nowhere (literally), a barking German shepherd ran into the living room and bit Moe's arm, latching onto it with a death grip.

"OW! FRANK! _FRANK!_ " Moe screamed as he frantically tried to shake the growling, snarling dog off his arm. " _GET THIS THING_ OFF _ME!_ "

Frank ran towards Moe, armed with a silver candlestick. He raised the candlestick over his head. Just as he was about bring down the candlestick on the dog's skull, the dog disappeared.

"How ...?" Moe exclaimed, his eyes now wide.

"Leave the stuff ... let's get outta here!" Frank commanded. With that, the two ran back towards the sliding glass door. As they approached the door, it was suddenly transformed into a heavy steel bank vault door.

"Huh …?" Frank wondered aloud, his jaw agape.

Jeannie's disembodied evil laughter echoed throughout the room.

"Where's that coming from?" Moe asked. Both of them looked nervously around the room, trying to find the source of the evil laughter that was surrounding them.

Frank clapped a hand on Moe's shoulder and said, "Let's try the front door."

Frank and Moe ran through the dining room and towards the front door. As they arrived at the front door, they found the door secured by three locks – a chain lock on top, a hand-turned deadbolt that was just below the chain lock, and the doorknob on the bottom.

"Shouldn't be too hard," said Frank. "Just undo the locks and go."

Moe reached up and grabbed the chain lock. He suddenly jerked his hand back, wincing in pain.

"What's wrong?" Frank asked.

"Thing _ELECTROCUTED_ me!" Moe wailed.

"It's a freaking CHAIN!" Frank snapped. "It _CAN'T_ electrocute you!"

" _YOU_ try it, then!" Moe shot back. He was now in full-on panic mode.

"I'll try the deadbolt," Frank muttered. With that, he put his hand on the knob of the deadbolt. The lock suddenly glowed red-hot. Frank jerked his hand back and licked his thumb.

In desperation, Frank reached for the doorknob, only to watch it disappear before his grasp.

"What the … ?" Frank muttered.

Frank reached behind his back and pulled out a snub-nosed .38 revolver. He swung the butt of the revolver towards a nearby window, as if to break the glass. The revolver bounced harmlessly off the glass, as if the glass were rubberized.

Frank's eyes grew wide. _Tell me this isn't happening,_ he thought. He swung the revolver towards the window again. Once more, the butt of the revolver bounced harmlessly off the glass.

Frank ran across the room and tried to break another window, only to watch _THAT_ window disappear altogether.

Disembodied evil laughter echoed throughout the room.

"WHO'S THERE?" Frank bellowed as he waved the revolver. " _SHOW YOURSELF!_ "

"Place is haunted," whispered Moe as he glanced around the room, a look of fear now in his eyes.

"There's no such thing as ghosts," Frank snapped.

The revolver disappeared from Frank's hand, leaving him grasping air.

"Now what?" Moe asked.

"Let's try upstairs," said Frank.

Frank and Moe ran through the Nelsons' living room towards the stairs. Two flights of stairs sat directly across from one another. Frank grabbed the railing, only to watch it suddenly became covered in oil. As Frank climbed up the stairs (with Moe following along behind him), a river of oil suddenly began cascading down the stairs, causing both of them to slip and fall backwards down the stairs.

The two burglars lay in a heap at the foot of the stairs.

"I'll try the other one," said a dazed Moe. As he got up, the other flight of stairs disappeared.

Disembodied evil laughter echoed throughout the room.

Moe ran down a nearby hallway and into a bathroom, Frank following along right behind him. As the two ran into the darkened bathroom together, Frank locked the door behind them.

"Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary ..." said Moe.

"Whatta you _DOING?_ " Frank hissed.

"They say if you repeat the name 'Bloody Mary' three times ..."

"I _KNOW_ what they say!" Frank snapped. "We don't have _TIME_ for this!"

Both men were utterly oblivious to the shadowy black mass behind them that was looming over them in the mirror ...

* * *

"Oh, thank goodness you have come," said Jeannie as she stood outside the front door, wearing a nightgown, bathrobe, and bedroom slippers.

"You said you had burglars?" a police officer asked Jeannie.

"Yes," Jeannie replied. "Two."

"Stay here," the officer commanded. "We'll look inside."

* * *

Two police officers - guns drawn before them - opened the front door and entered the house. They were greeted by the sight of Frank and Moe lying bound and gagged on the living room floor.

Moe's face was covered with boils. Frank's clothing was torn and his face was covered with scratches.

"How ...?" One officer asked.

The other officer shook his head and said, "I've heard _STRANGE_ things about this house."

THE END


End file.
